Today in the park I was walking my dog and there was this other girl walking her poodle. She was really pretty and very very nice. Our dogs played for a little while. And then her poodle squatted and pooped, and when she leaned down to pick it up a dude started yelling obscenities about how he’d like to put his dick in her ass.
She got up and literally threw the bag of warm poop at him.
It hit him in the face.
I got to witness that. This might be the best day of my life.
I WENT TO VISIT MY GRANDMA AT THE NURSING HOME AND THE LADY LITERALLY DOESN’T KNOW POOP FROM APPLESAUCE BUT SHE MUST HAVE REMEMBERED ME BRINGING SOMEONE TO CHRISTMAS BECAUSE SHE’S LIKE “SO HOW’S KALEB” (AKA MY GIRLFRIEND, KAYLA) AND MY MOM WAS LIKE “SHE’S DATING A GIRL AND HER NAME IS KAYLA, MOM”
WITHOUT MISSING A BEAT MY GRANDMA WAS LIKE “OH HOW LOVELY. I WAS A LESBIAN ONCE YOU KNOW.”
